


An Act of Rebellion

by MoonWalkingInYourEyes



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale, 半妖の夜叉姫 | Hanyou no Yashahime | Yashahime: Princess Half-Demon (Anime)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Budding Love, Drabble Collection, Eventual Smut, F/M, Longing, No Plot/Plotless, Romance, Unresolved Romantic Tension, iyashikei
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:35:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29132658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonWalkingInYourEyes/pseuds/MoonWalkingInYourEyes
Summary: Who would have thought that falling in love would be so stressful?A collection of drabbles that focus on a powerful demon and the human woman he would do anything for as they stumble head-first into love. SesshomaruXRin.
Relationships: Rin & Sesshoumaru (InuYasha), Rin/Sesshoumaru (InuYasha)
Comments: 70
Kudos: 252





	1. Becoming Undeniable

\---

_“It is an act of rebellion to remain present, to go against society’s desire for you to numb yourself, to look away. But we must not look away.”_

_— Florence Welch _

_\---_

When does one decide to be in love? 

Rin had always assumed that it was a choice made logically and with great consideration, especially after seeing the way the people around her had felt and lived in their own loves. It was hard for her to watch her friends build their lives and families and think that love was something you didn’t have complete and total control over. Yet, to hear them speak of it, she would have thought it was a wild, untamable possession, almost painful for them. To them, the adage _falling in love_ was a little too close to the truth and they always spoke of their loves with a sort of soft reverence reserved for dangerous and beautiful creatures.

Rin would hear this and feel a quickening of her heart and a knot in her gut and think to herself; _perhaps it is best if I never fall in love if it’s truly this scary._ So, she didn’t; every village boy who expressed even a passing interest in her was always treated kindly but kept at an arms-length. Every not-so-subtle, well-intentioned, hint from Kaede about how it might be a good idea for Rin to start looking around for someone a little more… _human_ was answered with kind but disinterested smiles. She danced through her adolescence holding her heart safe and protected only to be let free when her Lord came to visit.

On this particular summer day, he had come bearing his usual fare which she had accepted gratefully and with a gentle reminder that he needn’t bring gifts if he didn’t want to, which he ignored. Jaken spoke loudly, telling Rin that she should feel honored that their Lord was going through all the trouble to get her something in the first place, before turning to cluck at Kaede’s home and the sorry state of it. Rin smiled, unable to stop her giggles in the face of Jaken’s impossible standards. Tucking her hair behind her ear gently and tossing a wave over her shoulder to Kaede and Jaken, she exited the hut and joined Lord Sesshomaru on the walk into the forest. 

It was beyond routine at this point after so many years of doing the same thing, and it had been her idea at first. Back when she had first been left in the village, it felt more natural and calming for her to be in the forest, especially when she was with him. Eventually, as she got older, she realized that it had felt more calming because _he_ was more at ease away from the bustle of the village and so she had just kept going to the forest. It offered them more privacy, anyhow, and she loved having an excuse to be with her Lord and him alone.

They walked and she talked, chatting idly to fill the space with information about absolutely nothing. She bent over at one point to pluck a wildflower from the side of the road and spin it in her fingers happily, telling him about her most recent babysitting adventures. He looked ahead of them, walking calmly, somehow both setting the pace and keeping pace with her, looking for all the world like he had a specific destination in mind when she knew for a fact he did not. Though he did not answer her, she knew that he was listening to everything she was saying. The familiarity of it all was comforting.

They came upon a small outcropping of trees, too few to truly be a part of the forest, but enough to offer some cover from the warm sun and any nosy eyes. One particular tree who must have suffered an injury when it was young was bent over in the middle and offered a perfect seat for the daiyoukai who walked over and gracefully lowered himself onto it. Rin brushed the petals of the wildflower she still carried across her chin as she watched him move with that incredible, inhuman smoothness.

Not for the first time, she found herself looking at him differently. She had always thought he was beautiful, but one day he had a more forbidden flavor to his beauty. Now that she was old enough to understand the ethereal, dangerous undertones to it, she noticed him in new ways. It had been an odd change that she wasn’t sure she was particularly happy with, yet here she was. She studied him and wondered things she had not been bothered to wonder before; who was he? What was his life beyond her? Was there even any room for her in it, is that why she had been at the village for so long? Who was he before she met him? Who will he be once she is gone?

His amber eyes fell onto her, and she realized that she had just been standing there staring at him in silence for a few seconds. With a self-conscious laugh, she blushed and turned away to gaze out over the hills and fields, heart thudding oddly and it hurt in such a way that she pressed a hand against it. In the distance, she could see farmers working, people walking past with baskets calling out and chatting to each other kindly and she pretended to be fascinated by them so that she wouldn’t need to see him watching her. Yet, as she looked at these people go about their day, a thought appeared and she turned to Sesshomaru who, she found, was still watching her, face relaxed and unbothered.

“My Lord,” she began, absentmindedly brushing the flower along her chin as she walked over to him. His eyes followed her, his head turning as she lowered herself onto the tree trunk next to him, a respectful distance away but still close enough than any other would dare. She hesitated for a moment, opening her mouth before her voice died away and she closed her mouth again, thoughtfully tapping the petals along her lips as she carefully considered how to frame the question she wanted to ask him. He waited impassively, hands resting on his knees. “Are...are you happy?” It came out in a mumbled, hushed way, though she wasn’t sure why. He kept staring at her, but she noticed the way his hand twitched against his hakama.

She wondered, with a sudden realization, if he even knew what he felt. Though she would never profess to knowing his innermost thoughts and desires as Jaken did, she felt that years of studying him had given her a little more insight than most. She had watched him march up and down the entirety of this land in search of power and prestige, which _she_ felt he had gotten. Did _he_? She doubted that he felt satisfied, after all, how could a being spend hundreds of years looking for something and then be satisfied with one sword and defeating Naraku? Regardless of how impressive these things really were.

She came out of her reverie as the silence stretched on, smiling sheepishly and once again tucking away a stray piece of hair caught in the wind. “Ah, it’s a silly question,” Rin laughed and waved her free hand in front of her face as if to smack her very words from the air. Embarrassed, she plowed on, talking more to smother her well-intentioned faux pas. “I just wonder about you, is all, and how you and Master Jaken are doing without me.” She smiled at him, purposefully being a little sillier, “Making sure that Master Jaken hasn’t replaced me yet, and all that.”

His eyebrow arched at the insinuation that she could be replaced, but she saw the warmth in his gaze and for that, she felt relief that her probing hadn’t soured the mood. She smiled, feeling proud of herself, heart thudding happily and she scooted just a bit closer to him. He made her so giddy when he would give her little bits of himself like this. They had flowed more freely from him, she felt, in recent months and she was positively salivating for more. Every lightening of his eyes, every relaxed, unbothered expression, and every nearly silent indicator from him that she had never noticed before was committed to memory and stored away. In the dead of night, lying awake, she would remember them all and imagine a day where they weren’t such a treasured rarity and that was just… their normal.

“You make me so happy, My Lord.” She confessed, the words slipping out of her before she even really noticed them. His head tilted to the side a touch as he seemed to wait for her to continue, though she wasn’t sure what to say. Frowning thoughtfully as she gathered her thoughts to try and express what she meant, she looked behind them at the forest and pushed on, “I...just want to make sure you know that your time here isn’t wasted. I appreciate seeing you and...and I hope that you also feel that the time you give to visit me is well spent.”

When she finished speaking, a silence rushed in to fill the air around them. Nervous, she gathered all of the courage in her body to look back up at his face. In a flash, she caught him looking down at her mouth where she was dragging the slowly wilting flower before he turned his head to look over the horizon. Studying him, she thought that his posture seemed more rigid, his back tauter, his hands on his knees seeming to grip more than just rest. _Mm, maybe I did sour the mood_ , she winced to herself and scrambled to change the topic away from _feelings_ , which apparently was the one great enemy of her Lord.

Rin forced a big smile and stood, spinning happily and tipping her head up to the sky. She twisted her hands above her like she could snatch a cloud with her fingers, stretching tall, before dropping her arms back down to her side and letting them flop in an exaggerated parody of herself. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye and noticed that he was still not really looking at her, his gaze just a little to the side of her, mouth a tight, straight line, and she decided to give him a moment to recover. Hands on her hips, she turned to look into the field in front of her, the tall grass swaying in the light breeze, small colorful heads of the flowers poking out around them and waving along. Determined to enjoy herself, she took her first step towards the field when a sound behind her had her hesitating and a presence rendered her completely still.

Rin remained facing the field, eyes widening when she realized that he had approached and was standing right behind her, so close that she thought she could _feel_ his body heat against her back. The shadow that she cast in front of her had become an unrecognizable blob as his silhouette merged with hers. She stared at it eagerly, too worried that if she turned around and looked at him it would put a stop to whatever was about to happen. She felt hyper-aware of him, her neck and face warm, almost as if she had an electrical current around her. He was not touching her, but he was much, _much_ , closer than he had ever been to her in many years. As if a glass case had been lowered around the two of them, sounds became muffled until all she could hear was her own heart and the sliding sound of his silk across his skin as he moved. _Wh-what is he doing?_

“I would not come to visit if I did not think you were worth my time.” He told her and she gulped, focusing every iota of her brain on his words, trying to imagine what he looked like and what he was doing. She felt her breath hitch, vision going fuzzy as his low voice reverberated through her. _Oh, lord,_ her thoughts stuttered out as she struggled to continue functioning in the face of everything she was feeling. While she had felt warm before, now she felt ablaze, and she was honestly afraid that if she took a step her legs would be as shaky as a colt. _He’s too close, I can’t think straight_ , was the thought that shot into her mind, but she didn’t move away. She wanted to turn to him, she wanted to see his face and try to parse together what few clues he gave her, but her head was frozen.

“Yes, Lord Sesshomaru,” she whispered, lips barely moving, voice so quiet that it would have been lost in the wind if his hearing wasn’t so sharp. Just when she wondered if she could take any more of this, he backed away from her and it was like he pulled the plug on a tub, the sound rising into her ears again, her lungs filling up with a gasp, spell broken. Without looking back, too afraid that he would see her tomato-red face, she walked woodenly to the field and collapsed onto her butt in the flowers, pretending that not a thing had happened out of the ordinary. 

As the sun began to set, and she was sure that now her face was red from being in the sun and not from whatever _that_ had been, Lord Sesshomaru stood back to his full height and said simply, “Rin, we’re leaving.” Before walking with her back to Kaede’s home. She did her best to laugh and chat like normal, but every time she looked up at him she found herself wondering what he had looked like when he had been so close to her, head bent down to speak to the top of her head, kicking herself for not turning around. Then she wondered why she cared so much, why this affected her as it did, and why he was so unbelievably stunning in the golden light of the setting sun. So, her laughter and her chatting was forced and stunted in between her intense staring, and, while she could count on him for almost everything on this green earth, a conversationalist he was not.

Needless to say, it was a bit of a...pensive walk back.

Later that night, long after he and Jaken had left, after the quiet dinner with Kaede, after she had folded up and stored away the kimono he had brought, she laid in bed staring at the ceiling. She replayed the moment in the forest over and over again in her mind, wondering if she even remembered it correctly any more. She wondered if she was putting too much meaning behind it that wasn’t there. She wondered if she had imagined the way he had seemed different with her. She wondered if it would be so bad if things were different. She wondered what _different_ would even mean, what that would even look like. 

With her hair spread around her in a halo, hands resting on top of the blanket over her heart, Rin wondered if she had fallen in love.

* * *

**Thank you for reading!**


	2. Unseen

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_“I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world.”_

_—Madeline Miller, The Song of Achilles_

\---

Kagome let out a frustrated sound and dropped her hands into her lap as she whipped her head around to glare at her dearly beloved husband. Sitting nearby, Inuyasha returned her glare with a side-eye, the claw that had been tapping against Tessaiga frozen suspended in midair above the sheath of his sword. _He_ was irritated because he was bored and it was hot outside and _she_ was irritated because Inuyasha was insufferable when he was bored. She loved him, she really, really did, and she would not change her life for all of the money in the world, but _some days…_

“Inuyasha,” she started, voice simmering primly as she did her best to remain the adult in this situation, “I’m trying to work, can you _please_ try to be quiet?” He let out a ginormous sigh that probably ruffled the grass around them.

“Kagome, can’t we at least go inside?” He grouched, one ear on top of his head flicking back and forth as a fly buzzed around it trying to land. She turned back to the herbs she had laid out in front of her, continuing the process of sorting like-with-like and tying a string around their bunches to hang and dry later.

“ _You_ are more than welcome to go inside,” she told him, tying a knot and adding the bundle to her pile. “I need the light to be able to see better.” She heard him grumble under his breath but he didn’t leave. Normally, she would love any excuse to have her husband spend quality time with her, and even now she could help the small smile that grew on her face as she glanced over at him again with a much softer tone. “We can go in when I’m done.” She promised and he met her gaze once again, all of the fight from earlier gone and replaced by that smooth amber. He opened his mouth to retort but stopped when a breeze blew past them, lifting his head to the sky and looking around.

“Sesshomaru’s here.” He explained, standing up, slipping his sword back at his waist. Kagome craned her head back to look at the sky as well and saw nothing, squinting into the sun.

“Well, Rin isn’t,” Kagome reminded him, blinking against the spots in her vision and grabbing a new bundle of herbs. “Wasn’t he _just_ here?” She asked thoughtfully, frowning, and trying to remember. His visits were usually more spaced out, but Kagome realized that he had been here not even three weeks ago. Inuyasha made a vague noise and she turned to look at him and saw that he was looking forward. She cranked her head around and followed his gaze to see Sesshomaru and Jaken approaching the hut. Kagome waved to the two of them and Inuyasha crossed his arms.

It was still odd to her to see Sesshomaru walking through the village, and Kagome had a feeling that it would not ever feel normal. He was just...too big for this space. He _looked_ out of place, so clean and bright against everything. The village people were nervous of him, and so he only ever came as far as Kaede’s hut and no further. Something told Kagome that he wasn’t too broken up about that. Jaken tsked at her as they approached, squinting pointedly at the way she remained sitting. Kagome ignored him, which was some advice that Rin had given her very early on and had always served her well, and smiled up at Sesshomaru politely.

“Rin isn’t home,” she told him, putting down her bundle. When she spoke, he turned his attention from Kaede’s door to her and Kagome did her best to not sweat under his scrutiny. Talking to him always reminded her of when she had to give presentations in school, that same feeling of being put on the spot and struggling to remember what you were saying. “She went to go get some more herbs for Kaede and me…” she stopped her explanation when she noticed his attention was no longer on her, his head tilted to the wind. He slowly rose from the ground and went off in, what she assumed, was Rin’s direction.

Kagome looked down at Jaken who remained in the road, a familiar bundle of cloth in his little arms as he watched his Lord fly away. The three of them sat in silence for a moment and, in a very odd moment of solidarity, they all gave each other very telling looks before Jaken walked into Kaede’s hut, Inuyasha sat back down and Kagome went back to sorting through her herbs.

Across the fields, standing up to her knees in water and blissfully unaware of everything going on in the village, Rin put her hands against her lower back and stretched. On the bank of the stream, her little basket of goodies rested next to her shoes. She had finished up getting the different supplies Kaede had been asking for and had been so miserably hot and sweaty that she had decided that it might not be a terrible idea to wade in the water for a bit. It wasn’t like she was in a hurry, anyway.

Rin scooped her hair up into her hands, wrapping it up into a make-shift bun so that she could run her wet hand over the back of her neck. When the cold water touched her overheated skin she closed her eyes and let a stream of air out of her lips, shivering a bit when water droplets slipped down the back of her kimono and followed the length of her spine. Her hand was gritty with the salt from her sweat when she dropped it back down and bent over the stream, rubbing the water along her forearms to rid herself of the dirt there doing the same with her face, splashing as delicately as she could to try and keep her clothes somewhat dry.

With a sigh, she stood straight, wiping wayward droplets out of her eyes and turning back to dry land hoping that her trudge the rest of the way home would at least be tolerable now. She debated for a moment if she could get away with walking back with her kimono still all hiked up around her thighs and sleeves rolled up to her shoulders, but decided she didn’t want a sunburn on _every_ part of her body. She tsked, scowling at a bug bite on her arm that she knew was going to drive her nuts later, and when she looked up towards her shoes, she saw Lord Sesshomaru standing there watching her. 

Time froze.

He was just standing there, and that in and of itself was not anything horrible. What _was_ horrible was that she was sweaty and gross and she probably stunk to high heaven and she was still parsing her way through the way their interaction had ended _last_ time the two of them had been alone together. Just looking at him had memories rushing over her and she was suddenly self-conscious. She went to rub her hands down the sides of her kimono to dry them only to feel the bunched up fabric that reminded her that most of her legs were out. She sucked in a gasp when she remembered, blushing, eyes darting up to look at him, as guilty as if he had walked in on her in the middle of committing murder.

She wasn’t sure what she expected, but never in a million years would she have thought that he would be looking at her the way he was. His eyes were slowly making their way up her body and it was...it was not something she had been on the receiving end of before. Where his gaze touched she _felt_ him. She felt him on her thighs, on her arms, on her neck. It made her throat go dry, it made her knees feel weak, it made her feel a sense of anticipation but she didn’t know what for. Then his eyes met hers, his eyebrows furrowed when he noticed her watching him, and it was done, it was over. It all happened so quickly, less than a second, that she was left wondering if she had imagined it all.

With a shaky breath, she waded through the water towards him, forcing a big smile on her face when she realized she hadn’t said anything yet. “My Lord,” she greeted, feeling a little out of breath. Probably from walking through the water. “I didn’t know you were coming! I’m sorry you caught me...ah,” she blushed again as she looked down at her wet legs glistening in the sun. Fumbling quickly, she untucked her kimono and let it fall down again, doing her best to laugh it off even though her face felt hot. “Were you waiting long?” She probed, hoping he hadn’t seen her all bent over splashing around like some incredibly sweaty, deranged gremlin.

As if he knew exactly what she was thinking, his eyes slid back to where she had been standing in the water, before darting back to her face. She noticed, and it was so slight that she could have missed it, that he took a very slow, deep breath. “I was not here long,” he answered, voice even, yet she caught the way his eyes drifted over to follow her fingers rolling down her sleeves almost like he saw something there. She looked over, expecting to see a bug or something, but saw nothing. A glance back at him rewarded her with his side profile as he looked off into the distance. With a sheepish smile, still feeling warm, she bent down to gather her basket and tucked it onto her hip.

“Would you walk with me back to the village?” Rin asked, the initial shock of seeing him fading and being replaced with that happy, satisfied feeling she had when she was with him. She may be having a personal crisis, but she wouldn’t let that spoil the times that she got to see him. He turned back to her and upon seeing that she had her shoes on and was ready to leave, his face relaxed into its neutral state and he walked up beside her. With a sincere smile splitting across her face, she fell into step with him, switching hips so that her basket didn’t bonk into him while they walked.

She glanced up at him, looking at the face that haunted her dreams. Since that night a few weeks ago when she had come to a small realization that she may have deeper feelings for him than she had originally thought, she had gone over all of her memories with him trying to pinpoint exactly when things had changed. She found she couldn’t put a pin on a specific time, more the feeling. That slow evolving of her heart. When it had changed from being _happy to see him_ to _feeling peace_ when she saw him. There was a part of herself who was happy to have solved the mystery that had been bothering her for months, but another part of her almost felt worse that now she was going into their interactions with this new awareness that made her hyperconscious of everything she said and did. _What am I going to do with myself?_ She wondered, laughing at her own horrible fate.

His eyes met hers when she laughed and she brought her fingers to her lips guiltily when she realized it had slipped out. “Sorry,” she smiled, shaking her head to clear it of her secrets. She felt his question on the air and she shrugged, quickly grasping for some excuse. “Just thinking about the time you had to pull Jaken and me out of the river and how much of a mess that was.” 

Even mentioning it now all these years later had snickers slipping out of her. It had been scary at the time, because she had been small and the current had swept her up and when Jaken had tried to get her he, also, had been taken away. Lord Sesshomaru had had to come in and get them, and it had not been an easy feat for someone with only one arm to wrangle two fast-moving little creatures. Of course, he had done it, but it was a memory that she looked back on with great fondness. 

“Hm,” was his very nostalgic answer, eyes drifting forward again. Rin laughed again, the giggles spilling from her in earnest as she found this bland answer only to add to the hilariousness of the situation.

“I’m very grateful that you fished me out of that little river,” she assured him, voice still twinkling with the happiness she couldn’t restrain. Sesshomaru slid a glance her way, the ghost of a smile in his eyes.

“A river was the least of our worries,” he answered, voice low and thoughtful, and Rin nodded emphatically, remembering all too clearly the different dangers of the wilderness. She tucked a loose piece of her hair behind her ear and waved at a neighbor in his field as he called out to her, the village in sight. 

She sighed when she saw it, her smile losing a bit of its life, realizing that the closer they got the sooner he would leave. _Come to think of it,_ she thought cocking her head to the side thoughtfully as her hand lingered in her hair, holding it out of her face, _wasn’t he just here not too long ago?_ Thinking back, she realized that he had been because she had been sleeping poorly since their encounter in the forest and while she was exhausted, it had only been a handful of sleeps ago. _Why is he back so fast?_ She blinked, a confused frown crossing her face, the question bubbling to her lips as her hand dropped back down to her side.

On its journey to rest back at her side, her fingers brushed along the back of his hand and the most _interesting_ thing happened.

His hand jerked just as she gasped and pulled her hand away, apologies on her lips. He blinked, one slow movement, before he looked over at her and then down at the hand she kept clutched up by her chin. Her fingers tingled from where they had touched the smooth skin of his hand and she clenched them closed, pulling them down against her chest. “S-sorry, My Lord,” she laughed, trying to joke it away, “It was an accident.”

He turned his eyes back on her, looking for all the world as if she had just begun speaking in tongues in front of him. His expression was...surprised? She couldn’t put a name to it because she hadn’t _seen_ it before. At his side, she saw the hand she had touched clench and unclench in one fluid motion before his expression evened itself out again and he looked at her with his usual demeanor. She watched him warily, having seen more emotion from him in the last five seconds than in the last five years.

Rin laughed again, the sound nervous in her ears, and gestured towards the village slowly stepping towards it as if her movement would jumpstart his. “We’re almost there,” she told him, tone encouraging, and she looked down, sifting her hands through her slowly wilting herbs. “I need to hurry and get these to Kaede before the heat completely ruins them.” He followed her, long strides catching up in no time, and she filled the rest of their time together with chatter about nothing. All the while, she watched him carefully to see if he would give her anything else, but he remained his normal, impassive self.

When they said goodbye at the edge of the village, she waved happily and cheerfully bade him return soon. Jaken reminded her that they were very busy, doing lord knows what, and that they would come back when it was most convenient for them. Rin nodded and found herself hungrily taking in Lord Sesshomaru’s face, every detail of it, before a whispered _goodbye_ slipped from her and she walked back to her home. When she turned to watch him leave over her shoulder, she saw that he was still there watching her walk away.

* * *

**Thank you very much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!**


	3. Meeting in the Rain

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_ "As a child I was very in love with the stars. As a human a victim of my perceptions it is natural that I should love light and as a passive dreamer it is natural that I should be attracted to the most distant inaccessible light." _

_ —Eileen Myles, "The Irony of the Leash" from I Must Be Living Twice: New and Selected Poems 1975 - 2014 _

\---

If you had asked Rin if she had a favorite type of weather she would have told you clear, blue skies and calm winds. Or, maybe that robin-egg blue that the sky could be sometimes with spatterings of fluffy clouds that looked like cotton! As someone who had spent large chunks of time sitting around looking at the sky and waiting for Lord Sesshomaru and Jaken to come back, she had a ranked list of favorites with incredibly specific notes as to why they received the rank they had.

Ranked towards the bottom was when the sky was cloudy and dark, rolling with lightning and thunder. When she had lived in the wilderness, she had hated that sky because that meant that her clothing and hair were going to get soaked if they weren’t near a place where they could safely take cover. Now, as an adult that lived in a hut, it meant that her new pastime of watching the sky for her Lord to come back was pointless. Though she was sure he could if he really wanted to, she had never seen him fly while there was a storm and she didn’t think so highly of herself that he would walk through pouring rain just to come see her. 

Still, she sat by the window, legs tucked under her and chin in her hand as she glumly looked at the dark, angry clouds through the curtain of water that ran off of Kaede’s roof. The fire in the center of the room crackled pleasantly and was the only other sound besides her intermittent sighs. Kaede, bless her old heart, had been politely ignoring the wistful way that her young ward was languishing at the window and alternated between prodding at the fire and sipping her tea.

“Thunderstorms are so relaxing, aren’t they Rin?” She asked finally, pulling closer some arrows that needed fletching to keep her hands busy.

“Mm-hm,” Rin hummed back absentmindedly, eyes still drifting along the sky. Kaede squinted her one eye at the delicate work in front of her.

“They do put a stop to any outdoor fun, though, don’t they?” Kaede continued, eye looking over at the young woman at the window.

“Mm-hm,” Rin repeated, her free hand absently picking at her bottom lip. Lightning lit the sky and her heart sped up when she thought for one foolish moment that the flash of white was…  _ Oh, now you’re just being silly, _ she snapped at herself, sitting back and rubbing one of her eyes with the heel of her palm. She turned to look at Kaede with a sigh and saw an expectant look on the old Miko’s face. Guilty, Rin froze. “O-oh, um… yes?” She said, hoping that that was the answer to whatever question had been asked of her. Kaede sighed, looking back down at her arrows.

“Rin, you have been very distracted lately and I am wondering if there’s a specific reason.” Kaede’s voice was nonchalant but a little  _ too _ nonchalant in a way that had Rin feeling defensive.

“Oh, no reason,” she laughed off Kaede’s question, waving her hand dismissively. “Must just be something in the air that has me feeling a little off.” It was Kaede’s turn to hum an answer.

“Something in the air indeed,” Kaede quipped under her breath. Rin shot her a look, wondering what that was supposed to mean or, worse, wondering if Kaede had noticed…something. The two looked at each other, a standoff of neither of them wanting to breach the topic first.

“I’m not sure what you mean,” Rin finally responded, tone airy as she looked back out the window.

“Oh, do ye not?” Kaede matched her blithe tone. Rin felt nervous, hating confrontation and knowing that Kaede was going to push it. If it wasn’t raining, she would claim to have work to do and make a hasty retreat but as unwilling to have this conversation with her guardian as she was, she also wasn’t about to flee into the storm. Thunder rolled as the two sat in their tense silence. Kaede was the first to break it; “Lord Sesshomaru seems to be coming around more often.”

“Hardly,” Rin laughed, a nervous sound. “He’s come twice in the month and stayed for a short time. It’s not like he built a house in town.” Even  _ she _ could hear the wish in her voice and she looked down at her hands twisting in her lap.

“Hm,” Kaede answered. There was a moment where Rin wondered if that was where they were going to leave it, and she hoped that was the case, but Kaede put down her arrows and fixed Rin to the spot with her stare. “I hope you’re not getting your hopes up, Rin.”

“About what, Kaede?” She answered, unable to keep the irritated twinge out of her voice. Kaede’s lips thinned.

“You know what about. I am old and I may be down one eye, but I can clearly see in you what you are trying to hide. Heed me when I say that nothing good could come of it,” she hesitated, her strong voice fading out as if deciding if she had more to say or not. Rin, for her part, felt a surge of anger followed quickly by an eerie sense of nothingness and just sat there.

“I know,” she whispered and the sad sound of her words was heard even over the sound of thunder and fire. Of  _ course  _ she knew, it was what she told herself every night when she lay awake and stared through the ceiling, letting her imagination run wild with what-ifs and could-bes. It was the first rational thought she had when she woke from a dream so lifelike that she could still feel the phantom touches along her skin. It was what she told herself when she looked at him and her hand  _ ached _ to reach out and touch him. It was what stopped her when the words “ _ why not? _ ” danced on her tongue. She was more than aware, but it hurt to hear it from someone else. It made it more real. So, she looked away from Kaede and repeated in a dull voice, “I know.”

“I mean no harm, child,” Kaede said after a moment, a sigh coming from her. “I just don’t want you to get hurt.” Rin nodded, wishing this conversation would be done with. She knew that Kaede meant well, but that didn’t stop the sting. She opened her mouth to assure Kaede, and remind herself, that she would remain an untouched virgin safe from any heartbreak for her entire mortal life, when a yell of alarm had both of them perking up.

Rin squinted into the rain, wondering if she had imagined it, but she did indeed see a distant figure running towards their home. It was hard to make out details but she knew it was a man and that he was having a hard time keeping his footing on the muddy road, and that he was definitely heading for Kaede’s home. 

“Who is it?” Kaede asked and Rin walked towards the door, poking her head out. Kaede stood and joined her as the young man came to a breathless stop in front of them. Rin recognized him but she couldn’t remember his name. She just knew that he lived a little out of town and had a wonderful family with some rambunctious children. 

He was splattered with mud like he had slipped and fallen a few times, and he was positively soaked to the bone. He explained very quickly that the river was flooding and that his home and fields were in trouble and was hoping to get help to divert what water could be diverted. Kaede assured him that they would do what they could to help and turned to Rin to ask her to run and gather help. Rin nodded and slipped on her shoes, running from home to home and quickly poking her head in to summarize what was happening as succinctly as possible.

By the time she made it to Inuyasha and Kagome’s home, she looked like she had gone for a swim. Her hair was plastered down, her shoes squelched when she walked, and she was sure that if she were to ring out the sleeves of her kimono Shippo could shower in it. The two were quick to help, especially since Inuyasha would be able to carry a lot of sandbags at once and would make the job much easier, and they took off leaving Rin to hurry and catch up with everyone.

The whole affair was a messy, miserable one and by the time they had worked together to make a make-shift dam to protect this home from the rising water, there was not a dry soul in sight. Rin was  _ filthy _ , having slipped and fallen a few times in addition to the natural mess that just happened in a situation like this, and she stood back, looking at everyone working, and realized that there wasn’t much more she could do. With a small smile, pleased at how quickly everyone had rushed to come help, she turned and headed back towards the village. She was not the first to do this, as the urgency lessened and it became a “too many hands” situation, slowly those with less to do had peeled off and headed away and now it was her turn.

Rin walked slowly even though she wanted nothing more than to be dry, savoring the chance to be alone especially after the conversation she had had with Kaede. She wasn’t quite ready to go back into that home just yet, so she took her time in the rain, kicking at puddles and catching drops on her tongue as a reminder that she was herself and that joy was all around her. She tipped her head back to the sky and spun in a circle smiling and letting her long, wet hair, slap itself against her face where it stuck. She laughed and when she stopped spinning, she saw Lord Sesshomaru stepping out of the forest beside her.

She let out a very unladylike yelp, stumbling back a step and placing her heart. She saw a glimmer of amusement in his eyes even through the rain, and she recovered fast, hurrying over to join him in the cover of the trees with a big smile. He watched her approach, the familiar relaxed, unbothered expression she loved so much becoming clearer as she got closer. She grinned up at him, brushing her hands along her cheeks to get her hair off of her face.

“My Lord!” She greeted happily once she was safely out of the rain. “It’s so nice to see you! I didn’t think you would come in this weather.” She gestured to the downpour and thunder echoed as if to really drive her point home. He gave the sky a disinterested look.

“The rain does not bother me,” he said simply, and she noticed that he was, indeed, a little wet. Though, not nearly so much as she. She laughed and held up her dripping sleeves.

“Me either,” she giggled, shaking her arms away from the two of them and sending droplets flying. A ghost of a smile shimmered across his face as he looked at her and she could only imagine what he saw as she was probably more mud than woman at this point. “You seem to keep finding me when I’m not at my best, My Lord.” She teased, as her hand brushed across a splatter. “I promise I don’t spend all of my time rolling in the dirt.”

“Hm,” he answered, tone dismissive of her worries. She smiled at him sweetly, happy that he could care less about her appearance, and looked behind him, realizing he was alone.

“Where is Master Jaken?” She asked curiously, wondering if he had already been to Kaede’s before he came to find her. She winced, shoulders slumping at the thought of him showing up to Kaede’s so soon after their argument. “Was Kaede cross with you?” She hoped that the old woman wasn’t rude to him, especially over something that he wasn’t even a part of. Well, not directly a part of. Well…not  _ aware _ that he was a part of.

“Jaken is elsewhere.” Lord Sesshomaru answered her, in his usual vague way. “I did not go to the village.”

“Oh,” Rin made a thoughtful sound, realizing that he must have seen her or smelled her and just came right here. That made much more sense than him wandering around aimlessly looking for her. A huge, fat raindrop plopped onto her head and she winced, taken by surprise, looking up as she held her hand over her head like a make-shift umbrella. Sesshomaru looked her over as if seeing her truly for the first time since they ran into each other, turned his head, and looked deeper into the forest before looking back at her.

“Follow me,” he told her and started walking. Without a second thought she did, the two of them heading to where the trees were thicker and taller. She came up beside him, walking carefully over fallen branches and other debris, doing her best to avoid the patches of sky where the rain came down hardest. After very little walking, she saw what must be his end destination. It was a small space butted up next to a steep hill with a huge tree over it, shielding the ground underneath from water. She let loose a happy gasp and hurried forward, her soggy shoes flopping noisily.

“Oh, thank you,” she breathed a relieved sigh to no longer have cold drops of water pelting her, closing her eyes and swiping her hands across her face. Her Lord walked past her and stood impassively in the middle of the little space, looking off into the distance with a small frown, his attention elsewhere. Rin watched him as he stood there like a proud statue and took the chance to really look at him while he was preoccupied.

When she had first seen him, she had thought that he was still mostly dry but now under closer scrutiny she realized that he was actually pretty wet. Not drowned rat level of soaked like she was, but his hair was heavy with water at the top and she could see beads of moisture along the pelt he wore as well as the way the shoulders of his kimono stuck to his skin and she lamented that she could almost see through the lighter parts, if only he were closer—

She gave a shiver as chills ran up her spine, the damp cold finally setting in now that she wasn’t frantically hauling bags of sand around. Teeth chattering, she hugged herself, rubbing her hands up and down to try and generate some kind of heat. The sound of her hands scuffing her skin had Sesshomaru turning to look at her. 

“You’re cold,” he informed her, like the astute daiyoukai he was, as he looked her up and down. She pursed her lips and squinted at him playfully.

“What gave it away?” She teased before another shiver went through her and her mischievous smile changed to a wince. Sesshomaru approached her and she craned her neck back to keep her eyes on him as he got closer. She knew that he was looking at her wet, muddy hair, the goosebumps that were on her skin, the small shivers that twitched her muscles and was deciding that their time together was over.  _ But it had barely begun…  _

“You should go back to the village.” He told her, his gaze already back on the road they came from. Rin looked over her shoulder in the same direction but found herself reluctant. The idea of sitting in Kaede’s home again and the slim possibility that she would try to continue the conversation from earlier was worse than the cold she felt. She stayed where she was, squinting at the road, and watched him walk past her. When he moved by, her fingers reached out and pinched his sleeve. He stopped moving immediately.

“I would like to stay out here for a bit longer, I think,” she told him, hoping he wouldn’t tell her that she was being foolish and that he would indulge her. He turned his head to slant a look at her over his shoulder and she pinched his sleeve so hard that her fingers turned white, furrowing her brows. “Please, My Lord…” she whispered, and he turned back to the road for a moment before she heard him let out a small sigh and he turned to face her again.

“What you do is up to you,” he reminded her, almost like he was reminding himself as well, and she breathed a sigh of relief, letting go of his sleeve. He watched her as she deflated and said, “Is something wrong?”

“Ah, no not really,” Rin mumbled, wrapping a slowly drying, frizzy strand of hair around her pointer finger. “Kaede and I just had a small disagreement before I left is all.” She unraveled her hair from her finger and smiled up at him, feeling melancholy. She saw him frown and quickly waved away his worries, “It was nothing big, I promise! Just, you know...” she hesitated for a moment, realizing that she couldn’t reveal the content of the disagreement to him because it had been  _ about _ him, before she continued in a soft voice; “I would rather be with you right now.”

She watched as that  _ thing _ happened again. She saw so clearly his frown wash away and be replaced by that  _ something _ expression that she hadn’t seen before. What was different from the last time, however, was that she wasn’t so flustered and she was much closer to him now and could see it more clearly. It was...very soft, this something of an expression. It was softer than his neutral one, and the only time she could think of to compare it to was when she had awoken so long ago in his Honorable Mother’s palace only to have him assure her that she was safe. Yet, even that wasn’t quite right because while his expression was soft, his eyes were focused, and intense, the amber color burning. Whatever it was, it made her breath stick to her lungs, and her heart thud in her chest.

He took a step closer to her, and her head tilted back, too transfixed by this  _ something  _ expression to look away, until they were so close together that her head swam. She could feel his body heat against her cold skin and it brought about new goosebumps for a whole different reason. That forbidden part of her brain pointed out how he was so close that if they touched she could claim it was an accident and he would probably believe her. She didn’t have a chance to test that theory, however, because he did it for her.

She almost didn’t feel his knuckle against her arm through the cloth of her kimono, because she was so cold and preoccupied looking at his face, but when he gently brushed it up along towards her shoulder, her muscles twitched and her breath hitched in her throat. His face was still a mystery to her, but she drank in the way his eyes followed the path of his finger as if he were an outside observer and had no control over what his hand was doing. It got to her shoulder and slowly, oh so slowly, crept its way across.  _ He _ — _ he’s going to touch me, _ her thoughts muddled together, unsure what she wanted to do about that, all of the many arguments she had told herself battling for dominance in her head even as the majority of her focus was locked on the torturous drag of the finger as it edged itself closer to her neck.

Though she knew it was coming, when his knuckle skimmed across her jaw a gasp shuddered from her. His skin burned her where they touched, and not just because she was soaked to the bone. His knuckle made a gentle pass from her jaw to her chin and, like he wasn’t satisfied with what he felt, he did it again with the pad of his thumb. His eyes were smoldering now, and she found that she couldn’t look away even if she wanted to, still absolutely confounded by what she was seeing. She was completely at his whim and he had laid one finger upon her.  _ How embarrassing, _ she mumbled to herself as she found her eyes suddenly watching his mouth and how it was relaxed just enough that his lips were  _ just _ beginning to part.  _ If this is how it feels when he touches you, _ whispered her secret brain,  _ imagine what his lips would do. _

“You’re cold,” he said and she almost didn’t hear him she was so transfixed on his mouth.

“Huh?” She asked, voice cracking an octave too high. His thumb tapped once against her jaw and then he was gone, stepping back from her slowly. She felt his loss immediately, blinking quickly like she had just looked into the flame of a candle, shivering. He surveyed her, looking her up and down.

“You are cold.” Lord Sesshomaru repeated, his tone final. He looked back at the road and now that the rain had let up, she could see the dirt of it through the trees. She could see small groups of people walking back towards town and wondered, suddenly, how much time had passed. Her Lord turned to look at her and said, “Inuyasha is coming, go join him on the walk back.” Her head bobbed, too overwhelmed to argue, walking quickly towards the road before hesitating.

Rin looked back and saw that he was already leaving in the opposite direction. She watched him as the dark of the deep forest swallowed him up and couldn’t stop her fingers from reaching up to follow the path he had traced along her jaw.  _ Nothing good could come of it, _ echoed Kaede’s voice in her head and Rin snatched her hand away from her face and pulled her sleeve over her fingers. She ran back to the road and joined her friends on the walk back, her skin freezing except for where he had touched her.

* * *

**I hoped you enjoyed this story!**


	4. Implications

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_ “He was like nature, good, wild, and sometimes cruel. He had all the moods of nature: beauty, timidity, violence, and tenderness.” _

_ —Anaïs Nin, from “The Four-Chambered Heart,” originally published c. 1950 _

\---

Jaken was worried about his Lord.

While Lord Sesshomaru was quiet normally, his quietness had become downright crushing over these last few months. It had to have started on one of the days that they had come to visit Rin, a normal affair that Jaken couldn’t say he was upset about. He missed the girl and truly her absence was still felt in their group to this day. However, when Lord Sesshomaru and he had left the village one day, something odd had happened. They had made it a few miles away when Lord Sesshomaru suddenly… turned around and headed back towards the village.

The oddest part was that they didn’t go all the way back, they had stayed out a fair distance and just walked paths up and down as if Lord Sesshomaru was fighting with himself about something. It only got worse after every new visit, the quiet around him becoming almost smothering in its intensity as he seemed lost in thought incessantly. They hadn’t picked up camp yet, Lord Sesshomaru informing Jaken that they would be staying here. Jaken said not a word about it because he was a very loyal and trustworthy vassal (and humble, no doubt) and he would never overstep on his Lord, but Jaken had a  _ suspicion _ .

The  _ suspicion _ Jaken had was that perhaps Lord Sesshomaru had an interest in Rin, and not just a passing one at that. If Jaken himself hadn’t seen everything unfold with his very eyes, he would not have believed it himself, but the more he thought about it the more the evidence matched up. Jaken had not picked out and carried around this many kimonos for nothing and Jaken found it very  _ interesting _ that suddenly his Lord was unwilling to travel too far away from the village she lived in. It was all very… 

_ Suspicious. _

“Jaken.” Lord Sesshomaru’s voice cut through the thoughtful quiet that the two of them had created and Jaken jumped, yelping.  _ How did he know  _ —?

“Y-yes, m’lord?” Jaken tried for as not guilty of a tone as he could. Lord Sesshomaru turned to him and opened his mouth to say something when suddenly he stopped and blinked before his face lifted to the breeze. He wore a frown, as if he couldn’t believe what he was scenting. After a moment, Jaken saw him scowl angrily before he took to the sky and flew off towards Rin’s village.

Used to abrupt departures such as these, Jaken quickly jumped up and grasped onto the tail of the pelt his lord wore, climbing up and wondering nervously if Rin was okay. Lord Sesshomaru only moved that quickly when that girl was involved and it was not likely to be something good… 

Rin woke up feeling refreshed. 

Either she had been completely and truly so exhausted that her body didn’t even have the energy to keep her awake anymore, or the hard work she and Kaede had done yesterday must’ve helped let off some of the steam that had been building up inside of her like opening the lid of a pot that was boiling over. Whatever the answer was, she woke up with no memory of tossing and turning through the night. She blinked against the bright stream of light that happened to just perfectly thread the needle through the window and fall directly on her eyes and stretched her arms over her head with a grunt.

She rolled over onto her stomach and pulled her pillow up under her chin, burying her mouth into it as she looked around and saw that she was alone. How late had she slept? Usually, she rose with the priestess, her body automatically stirring her awake around sunrise. She must have left her this morning when she had noticed that she was still soundly sleeping. Rin couldn’t deny that she felt no small measure of thankfulness towards her housemate for that.  _ I must have been drooling, _ she thought ruefully and smiled, pressing her whole face into the pillow and rubbing her cheeks against it as she took a deep breath before pushing herself up.

As she folded up her bed-stuffs and put them away, she fell back into doing what she found herself doing more often than not these days, which was thinking about Sesshomaru. She didn’t even really realize when it was happening, just suddenly becoming lost to a dream or a memory of him. More often than not, it was just pleasant little wisps of the two of them touching each other casually, holding hands, laughing together, just casually happy to be with the other. Though, the moment she realized it was happening it always vanished around her as her more logical brain told her to save herself the trouble.

Easier said than done. She thought about him with her eyes open and she thought about him when her eyes closed, analyzing every interaction and look he had given her to the point where she had convinced herself there was something there and then talked herself back out of it again. As pointless as a dog chasing its tail but she couldn’t stop herself.

A sound outside caught her attention and she poked her nose over the window sill to see what was going on. Rin saw Inuyasha and Kagome walking towards Kaede’s house, the two of them chatting amiably together. The couple was not a new sight but Rin found herself studying them a little differently today. She remembered very clearly being confused at how two people who bickered so often were able to not only stand each other but  _ marry _ each other.

However, when she saw them like this where they were just walking and talking together, she could see it. She could see the love in a lot of different ways. She saw it in the way that Inuyasha would watch Kagome when she was working, and she saw it in the way Kagome would always brush her fingers across his shoulders when she passed him. Rin thought that it was all very sweet and romantic and Inuyasha would absolutely blush so hard that he would pass out if she ever said anything about it so she didn’t.

Rin turned around to begin getting ready for the day and tried to imagine herself and Sesshomaru in that situation. She had never been one to imagine her Lord as someone who was okay with ‘easy touches’, but he had touched her before so she wasn’t sure that he was  _ against _ it, necessarily. Maybe it just depended on the situation? Or maybe when he had touched her before it was because she was in danger and she was reading too much into something?

Or maybe… maybe he had just as little experience with romantic-type things as she did? That notion had Rin pausing thoughtfully mid-wrap of her obi. She knew that he had been alive for many generations of man, that much she understood, but Master Jaken had made it seem like Lord Sesshomaru was on the younger side for a demon. She had never seen him express interest of that type for  _ anyone _ , even when they were very obviously pursuing him that way. 

She slowly resumed tying her obi, the theory making more sense in her brain the more she thought back through her time with him. She could not remember anyone touching him in a way that wasn’t an attack and vice versa. He hadn’t even gotten closer than two arm spans from his own mother. 

Rin found herself feeling pity for him, for how lonely that must be. To live so long and have no one to be familiar with  _ had _ to be a miserable experience. It made more sense now that most people thought that he was a cruel grouch, though she never could see it. No wonder her accidental hand-brush had startled him so badly, no one had stood close enough to him for that to be commonplace.

_ I wonder if he would let me hold his hand if we were married, _ she hummed thoughtfully and tried to imagine it. The two of them walking side-by-side, her fingers looped with his. She blushed and placed her hands against her warm cheeks, unable to deny how happy that made her feel. She could probably persuade him to let her do it, he usually was very accommodating to her, and maybe once he got over the novelty of being touched it would just be commonplace.

“Uh…Rin?” A tentative voice interrupted her thoughts and left Rin jumping two feet in the air. 

“Yes?” She eeped out, blushing for a whole different reason now as Kagome poked her head in and was giving her a curious look.

“Is Kaede around?” Kagome asked after a long pause. Rin swallowed and shook her head.

“I’m not sure where she went, she was gone when I woke up,” she explained. Kagome nodded and looked like she was about to duck back out when she hesitated.

“Just so you know,” She began, glancing at her husband over her shoulder, “Inuyasha said that he thought he noticed some not-so-nice demons in the area the other day. They flew off, but if you’re going out to be careful.” Rin nodded politely and Kagome smiled, leaning in a little further to the hut. “You look like you slept well,” Kagome whispered with a kind wink. Rin returned her smile and then she was alone again as the two left and went off on their way. She thoughtfully considered what she would do with her time and decided since she had such a late start to the day anyway, that she might as well continue to have a lazy type of day.

She grabbed a small basket with the goal in mind of finding and bringing back some nice flowers to brighten up the home for a little while. Kaede would appreciate the gesture and Rin liked the flowers, so it was a pastime of hers that she would engage in often. She headed out, walking with no real urgency and just enjoying the nice weather. She raised her face to the wind and closed her eyes, letting the currents run over her skin. Even when she found the field she took her time, leisurely gathering only the prettiest looking flowers.

Rin was debating if she would be able to get away with laying around and watching the clouds for a bit when a sound from above her had her frowning and looking up. Just in time, she saw a random demon swooping down directly towards her. With a yelp that was a mixture of surprise and fear, she dove out of the way and the bird demon hit the ground, it’s unbelievably sharp talons scooping large chunks of dirt up with it as it once again took to the skies. 

She took off running, heading for the trees where it wouldn’t be able to just  _ pluck her off the ground _ so easily. She looked over her shoulder and tripped, falling flat on her face just as the bird’s talons clicked together where her head had been a moment before. Spitting out dirt, scrambling to her feet, Rin groaned angrily; “You have  _ got  _ to be kidding me!” This was supposed to be her relaxing day! She had slept in, she was picking flowers, she had been in a great mood! Now she was about to be eaten by a demon because she wasn’t following her usual grinding routine.

_ The irony… _

She made it to the trees and ducked behind the trunk of one, chest heaving as she fought to catch her breath and figure out how she was going to get out of this. The bird demon made an angry squawking sound as it swooped and grabbed its talons at the canopy of the trees, sending twigs raining down on her, before it flew around to land towards the entrance of the forest. Rin froze. Was it going to try and walk in and find her?  _ No, shoo, go away bird, _ she silently urged as she thunked her head back against the tree.

Rin lifted her head back up when she heard a sharp, angry-sounding screech come from the bird before the sound of flesh rending and gurgling. She remained where she was, frowning and listening hard to see if this fish had just been taken out by a meaner, bigger, hungrier fish. When she heard the familiar sound of Jaken’s boasting she sagged with relief against the trunk, the bark catching strands of her hair.

Lord Sesshomaru rounded the tree and stood in front of her, looking down at her face. She smiled up at him, wiggling her fingers in greeting, so relieved to see him that she wished she could hug him. “Hi,” she said to him and he looked at her waving hand.

“You’re hurt.” He said, but that was news to Rin. She looked down at her body like there was going to be a huge spike sticking out of it that she hadn’t noticed she’d been impaled on.

“No, I’m okay…?” At least, she didn’t think she was hurt. She looked at her arms, putting her hands on the back of her neck just in case maybe she had gotten nicked by its claws. He reached out and his pointer finger hooked in her sleeve, pulling her hand forwards revealing that where she had caught her fall was cut and scraped, blood pooling and slowly running. She looked at her other hand and saw that, while it looked much better than the weeping one, it also had scrapes all along it. “Oh. Yes, I am.” She said, smiling sheepishly at him.

He had bent over a bit to look at the different bloody scratches, his finger still hooked in her sleeve applying a light pressure that was quite distracting. She watched him, looking for  _ any _ hints as to what he was thinking, but seeing nothing. His mouth was set in a thin line as his eyes went from her bloody hand to her face before he stepped back. “Jaken, come here,” he commanded, his voice strong, and Rin knew that he was going to tell Jaken to go find something for her hand so she quickly waved him off.

“It’s fine,” she assured and bent over, lifting up her kimono for her white under-robe, ripping off a piece of it to wrap around her hand. She stood up again and showed him the wrap. “There! All taken care of.” Rin smiled and Sesshomaru looked at her hand before nodding and turning to walk back out of the trees to meet Jaken. 

She watched him walk away and had an odd feeling that he was…wary of her? Which didn’t make sense because  _ he _ came to find  _ her _ . Though, she had been about to be eaten and he probably had smelled her blood and thought she was in big trouble. Yet, she couldn’t deny that feeling that he seemed a little more avoidant of her, back turned to her looking at the corpse of the demon that had tried to eat her. It was such a big swing away from the familiar, attentive way he had been with her recently that she felt it all that more acutely. She walked past him, watching his back curiously until she saw her favorite little toad demon approach.

“Hi, Master Jaken,” Rin greeted with a smile, realizing suddenly that she hadn’t seen him in a while. “How are you?”

“ _ How am I _ ?” He repeated in a tone akin to if she had just asked him to poke his own eyes out. “I am surprised to see you out here on your own and defenseless! Don’t you know how easily that demon could have killed you?” Rin nodded along, barely able to suppress the smile that was bubbling under the surface. “Foolish girl! Don’t you know Lord Sesshomaru is already concerned enough about you—”

“Enough, Jaken,” The Lord Sesshomaru in question interrupted sharply at exactly the same time that Rin turned to look at him.  _ Concerned _ ? What was he concerned about? He was looking up at the sky, but she saw the frown that he wore and knew that Jaken had said too much. Yet, Rin wasn’t sure what Jaken had even revealed. Sesshomaru glanced over and the two made eye contact. The glance was fleeting but she caught it anyway, and she gave him a curious frown trying to convey the confusion she felt. He looked back towards the sky quickly and Rin saw two more bird demons in the distance. “Rin, go back to the village.” He told her, eyes on the approaching demons. “Jaken, go with her.”

Master Jaken hurried over to herd Rin away and she began to side-step her way back to the road, still studying her Lord curiously. Jaken snapped at her to hurry and only then did she look away, the two quickly going back towards the road as her head buzzed with questions.

* * *

**Thank you for reading!**


	5. Upon the Overlook

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_ “Something made of love sent its love straight into her heart. She opened her eyes, her hands, her heart,” _

_ — Jeanette Winterson, from “The Battles of the Sun,” publ. c. November 2009 _

\--

“You look awful,” Shippo informed her, peering up at her with squinted eyes. Rin looked down at the little fox demon and gave him a dead-eyed stare. Kagome and Sango both made disapproving noises on Rin’s behalf. Shippo shrugged but apologized, taking some of the sincerity out of the apology by adding; “You do, though.”

The mind was a mysterious thing. It was amazing to her how the moment that your brain decides that something is going to make you feel a certain way, it is almost impossible to convince it otherwise. By amazing, what she really meant was horrible and irritating. Rin was a mess and that was just a fact of life that she refused to acknowledge. 

Her long nights of tossing and turning had resumed and felt like they had gotten worse. She no longer could get comfortable, devoting most of her time to laying one way, rolling over, laying there for a few minutes, flipping her pillow over, rolling over again. Every time she started to drift off to sleep, she saw his face in her mind and she knew what her subconscious was going to try to do so she would open her eyes again. She hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep in days and it showed.

“Thanks, Shippo,” Rin intoned, her tone implying that she was not thankful in the least. She wasn’t sure what his plan was, but it also wasn’t beyond him to get a little naughty like this after he spent too much time with the other kitsune. It was almost like their mischief rubbed off on him and made him doubly so. Sango chased the little demon away to go play with her children and then it was just the three of them. Rin glanced over at Kagome and saw her and Sango exchanging a look of their own. Upon noticing them, Rin was suddenly very interesting in making sure the corners of the pants she was folding matched perfectly. So interested, in fact, that she had an excuse to ignore them.

“Are you feeling okay, Rin?” Asked Kagome, sounding so sincere that Rin almost immediately told these women everything that had been weighing on her mind for weeks. Honestly, she wondered if the reason why this whole situation was bothering her so much was because she didn’t feel like it was something she could tell anyone. It was right there on the tip of her tongue, but as she opened her mouth all she could see was Kaede’s pitying face or the sudden and odd cold-shoulder she had received from her Lord a few days ago, and it was enough to have her snapping her lips shut again. If she was being honest, she was afraid of more people confirming what she already knew; that what she wanted was impossible. If it was just her, there was still that small voice in the back of her mind that said  _ but maybe… _

“I’m alright,” she assured the two, placing her laundry aside. “I just have had a hard time sleeping lately.” Sango let out a sympathetic hum, her eyes sliding pointedly over to where her children roughhoused nearby. Kagome didn’t seem satisfied with that answer, wrinkling up her nose and sighing.

“Well, if it ever is something, you know,  _ bigger _ than that,” she had a light tone, but Rin knew that she was worried about her. That was just the way that Kagome was, she was sweet and caring and when she said she was worried about you she meant it. “You could always tell us. Whatever it is, your secret’s safe with us.”

“Thank you,” Rin told her, and she meant it. Kagome nodded and went back to what she was doing, but Rin couldn’t help but hesitate.  _ Do it, _ whispered the part of her brain that missed having peace. “A-actually,” she started. Kagome and Sango both perked up in her direction. “Kaede and I had a…kind of an argument a week or so ago.”

“An argument?” Sango’s eyebrow popped up at the idea of Rin having an argument with anyone. Rin shrugged and gestured around with her hands.

“Well, argument is maybe the wrong word,” she amended, already stuck. Rin looked back down at her hands, fiddling her fingers together.

“Did something she say upset you?” Kagome probed, shaking out a shirt with a snap. Rin sighed.

“No…” She hesitated, “Well, yes, but it wasn’t anything new.” Sango and Kagome both fixed her with a stare. Rin wilted. “It was about Lord Sesshomaru.” Both of the older women made sounds of understanding and Rin blushed. 

“Did Kaede mention something about you staying?” Kagome asked. Rin shook her head.

“No, not really,” though it was a conversation they had had before, one among many in Kaede’s great plan to keep her out of the wilderness. “She just told me that I shouldn’t ‘get my hopes up’,” Rin put air quotes around that and made a face, “and it was all just a very odd interaction.”

“Ah, I see,” Kagome nodded sagely. “Well, Rin you know that Kaede just has your best interests at heart even if the way she says them isn’t always, uh…” Kagome pursed her lips as she thought of a good descriptor.

“Kind?” Rin supplied, feeling vindictive. Sango laughed under her breath.

“Tactful,” Kagome corrected. “And, besides, you and her have had this same conversation for years, why is it bothering you so much this time?”

Rin, who had been starting to feel better as she conversed and made small jokes with her friends, felt all of the wind go out of her sails again. How could she explain that  _ that _ was the issue? That this time she was scared that Kaede was right and that it wasn’t just her wanting to leave with her Lord, but that she wanted so much more—that she  _ felt _ so much more. How could she explain that while, yes, Lord Sesshomaru had made exceptions for her there was no way that he would feel the same magnitude of feelings for her as she did for him? It wasn’t so simple. Nothing was simple in this new world where Rin’s heart was no longer her own.  _ How miserable… _

“I don’t know,” Rin lied and grabbed her laundry basket, standing up. She propped the basket against her hip and smiled at the two older women. “I’ll see you guys later!” Kagome and Sango watched her walk away, the two of them in their own separate, but very similar, contemplative silences.

As Rin walked, she indulged in a contemplative silence of her own. The laundry was the last thing she really had to do today, and now that she had gotten it done she wondered what she would do to fill her time. The summer sun offered her a bit more daylight and she wondered if she would be able to escape out of the village and go lay in the fields and watch the clouds until the sky turned a burnt orange. Rin smiled at the thought but as tempting as it was, she knew that she needed to keep busy because when she wasn’t then her mind would wander and she was quite sick of her wandering mind.

“Rin! Hey!” A voice called out, pulling her back to herself. She turned her head to see one of the village boys that Kaede had not-so-subtly hinted that he could be a decent match a while ago before Rin had made it very abundantly clear that she would rather gargle hot rocks than marry anyone here. He jogged up, falling into step with her as she wandered back towards Kaede’s home. He smiled at her, sweaty and dirty from work, peering to look into her basket. “What’re you doing?”

“Hey, Yuto,” she greeted kindly if not a little robotically, frowning at him invading her space like he knew her well when he very decidedly did not. But that was just him; he was obliviously floppy like a puppy that just got it’s legs under him. “Just laundry,” she barely resisted the childish urge to tip her basket away from him so he couldn’t see the contents. He nodded and put his hands over his head as they walked, stretching.

“Sounds fun! I just got done with my work, too,” the way he said it made it sound like he expected her to chime in and he even had a slight pause but Rin said nothing, looking ahead at her destination, not sure what he wanted her to say. “It’s hard work but it always feels good to be done with it. It’s gotten a lot easier since most of the demons have been driven away. It’s way more enjoyable when you can just work and not have to keep looking over your shoulder and worry about dying.” Rin opened her mouth to join in the conversation, but he kept on talking as if she wasn’t there, “You know, one time when I was helping dad we got attacked by a demon! It pinned me down and tried to spear its tongue through my head,” he pointed to the center of his forehead as if Rin had no earthly reference to what a head looked like. “But I pushed it off and then we killed it.” He finished, somewhat lamely in her opinion. A storyteller, he was not.

“That’s nice,” Rin answered, voice bright, walking a little faster as they neared Kaede’s home. Yuto, who was a few inches taller than her, was able to keep up easily.

“Yeah,” he hesitated for a second, “Rin if you’re done with your chores do you think you would want to come with me for a walk?”

“Oh, I can’t,” Rin lamented sadly as they finally reached Kaede’s door. She readjusted the laundry against her hip, hiking it up a bit from where it had slid down during her quick walk. “Kaede and I were going to do some… uh, stuff, later and I can’t back out on that.” His expression looked confused.

“What stuff?” He asked. Rin laughed and waved her hand around.

“Oh, you know, this and that,” Rin rolled her eyes as if ‘this and that’ were a huge bother on her and she wasn’t actively lying through her teeth. “You go on that walk and enjoy yourself, though. Maybe invite Kimura with you, she likes walks.” And with that final piece of advice, Rin turned her back on him and ducked through the entrance of her home.

Inside, she made eye contact with Kaede who was looking at her in a very unimpressed fashion, clearly having overheard the mess that had just transpired outside. Rin schooled her expression and walked in like normal, setting the laundry down next to her guardian before surreptitiously peeking out the window to see if her would-be walking buddy had left. He was still kind of standing out there with his hands on his hips, back to the home, like he had just experienced something absolutely confounding.  _ Poor guy, _ Rin tsked, watching him, but reminded herself that she had never once expressed an ounce of interest in him and that he was going to be perfectly fine.

“Eventful day?” Kaede asked. Rin squinted at Yuto as he walked off towards his home, breathing a sigh of relief.

“No, it was pretty boring,” she turned back towards her housemate, coming over to join her by the fire.

“He’s a very nice boy,” Kaede said pointedly. “You could do worse than him, you know.”

“I could do much better, as well.” Rin retorted, her long nights and this old, repetitive conversation making her snappy. Kaede raised her brow at the tone that rang through their silent home. Rin held her breath for a moment before rubbing her temples with her fingers. “I’m sorry, Kaede. I didn’t mean to snap.” Kaede didn’t respond, just prodded at the fire. Rin stood up and collected a few things before walking towards the door, tossing behind her, “I’ll be back.”

After casting a cautious eye back and forth to make sure Yuto wasn’t waiting outside to ambush her, she took off towards the river. She stepped carefully, following the familiarly winding path towards the small area where most of the village would clean themselves, the fading sunlight meaning that the shadows were that much deeper. Unlike Yuto, she was not afraid of being eaten by a stray demon but of slipping and cracking her head open on a rock. Besides, as Yuto had mentioned, Inuyasha’s presence had driven away a good majority of the lesser demons in the past years and, Rin suspected, that Lord Sesshomaru’s frequent visits meant that even the foolish, brave, stragglers had decided it wasn’t worth it.  _ Keeping me safe even when he isn’t around _ , she thought to herself with a secret smile as she reached the bottom of the hill and rounded the corner.

As she neared the water, she paused, hesitating and glancing up towards the top of the hills around the shallow canyon-like area that the water gathered in. Rin realized that this was the perfect excuse for her to sneak away for a bit without anyone looking for her or drawing suspicions. She  _ wanted _ to go and see if she could find Lord Sesshomaru, to get a chance to talk to him and maybe ask if she had done something to upset him. To see if he was just as distant with her when Jaken wasn’t around or when she wasn’t being actively attacked.  _ For peace of mind _ , she told herself, nodding firmly, making her decision.

With a quick glance around, she bent over and set down her soap, mentally making a note to come back for it later, and then hurried back up the hill. Rin walked quickly, hoping that Yuto really had gone home and wouldn’t see her wandering around very obviously not doing all of her very important  _ stuff _ . She smiled and waved at some neighbors walking by, doing a double take and squinting at the overlook on the far edge of the village where a familiar, distant, white blob had been a moment before. She could have  _ sworn _ that she had seen… He wasn’t there now, but he  _ must’ve _ just been there. 

Smiling, she ran to where she had seen him, standing and looking around as she caught her breath. She craned her head around, the smile that she had been wearing slowly dimming the longer she remained alone. With a dejected sigh, she crossed her arms and looked out over the village, staring at the roofs but not really seeing them as she considered whether she had imagined him or not.  _ You would know him anywhere _ , she assured herself even as that knowledge meant that she had seen him and he had left her. Which was worse?

A gentle gust of wind lifted strands of her hair in a small dance, some stray leaves blowing past her feet, and she sighed in tandem with it. Rin reached up and pushed her hair back behind her ears, watching the figures of people walking from home to home and wondering how often her Lord stood here. She smiled, knowing his proclivity for standing on ledges and looking at the sky, then tried to imagine him looking down at her as she just existed, unaware. It was comforting, it was familiar, and it made her feel oddly homesick. That melancholy pang struck so hard it left her wincing and swallowing hard.

A soft sound had her turning towards the trees, and there he was emerging from the darkness. She smiled at him, grinning broadly and waving as he walked forward until he stood next to her, also looking out over the houses. She turned as he walked to keep herself facing him and tried to read him.  _ What are you looking for? _ Rin mused, even as she took in all of his little cues; the way that he was standing close enough that she would be able to reach out and touch him with almost no effort, his relaxed, upturned face, the way that  _ he _ had approached her without her needing to go and look for him or to call for him.

“Hello, my Lord,” she greeted, voice hushed and tone bright with her smile. He tipped his chin up a millimeter, the only indication that he had heard her. “I’m so lucky to find you out here like this.” She teased him, pretending that she hadn’t run full-tilt all the way here and that he definitely hadn't seen her do exactly that. She watched the way the corner of his mouth twitched like he couldn’t stop himself before it evened out again.

The two stood together, both of them pretending to look elsewhere even as they focused every ounce of their attention on the other. Rin, for her part, felt she was doing a very good job pretending to be completely enraptured in the horizon and ignoring the way that her skin tingled even from being next to him. She could’ve choked on all of the things she wanted to say to him but she didn’t want to ruin the mood. Even if the silence was almost unbearable.

“Your wounds…” he finally said, voice smooth as syrup and just as sweet to her ears. The words, however, left her frowning.  _ Wounds…? _ She looked up at him, face screwed up in confusion, and met his eyes as they slanted down towards hers. When he glanced down at her hands and the fading scabs there she hummed in understanding.

“I wouldn’t call them  _ wounds _ ,” she laughed, lifting her hands up and balling them into fists before opening them up again, holding them over for him to see. He turned to look at them more fully, and she looked with him, trying to see them through his eyes. The healing scabs from a week ago, the callouses from long years and rough treatment, not exactly the hands of a princess. Yet, he must’ve seen something he liked because he nodded and then looked back up towards the sky. She curled her hands up and pulled them to her chest, grinning at him. “Shall I recover, my Lord?”

“You will survive,” he answered, a rare moment of his incredibly dry humor that had her giggling. She dropped her hands down, lacing them together behind her back as she looked down at the ground.

“All thanks to you,” she told him pointedly, remembering the way he had, once again, saved her. He said nothing and she looked up at him. “There really is no way I can ever repay you, is there?” Rin spoke softly, half to herself and half to him. His eyes flicked over to her and he studied her in such a way that she blushed and waved her hand. “Sorry.” He looked like he was about to say something, and she couldn’t stop herself from perking up in anticipation, when a shrieking laugh followed by voices had the two of them looking away.

At the bottom of the hill, Yuto and Kimura were walking together, the two of them clearly having a great time as they made their way out of the village. Rin cocked an eyebrow and smiled as she watched them, feeling a small boost of pride at her impeccable match-making abilities. Yuto, with a big grin on his face, was obviously teasing the young woman who was blushing and laughing, unable to take her eyes off of him. For a moment, Rin tried to imagine herself in her shoes; laughing, blushing, flirting, no hesitation, not second guessing herself.

She glanced over at Sesshomaru, trying to imagine him with her, and saw him scowling at the two with a degree of venom she hadn’t seen in a while. It honestly surprised her so much that she looked back down towards the couple to see if Yuto had seen them and was making a rude gesture or something, but no the two were still obliviously in their own small world.  _ Then, why is he…? _

“They seem like they’re having fun,” Rin joked in an attempt to redirect him back to the conversation with a smile and a laugh. He thinned his lips and tilted his head back, still obviously ticked off as he watched them leave. “They’re not coming up here, don’t worry! And they’ll definitely be out for a while.” She assured him, assuming he wasn’t a fan of their loud banter. He let out a low  _ hm _ , and said nothing else, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. After a moment, he opened his eyes and looked back down at her, a small crease between his delicate brows as he looked down at her. Rin gulped, this now familiar sensation of falling once again coming over her under his scrutiny.

“Rin…” His voice was low, his eyes warm, and she jumped in shock when she saw his hand come up and gently move a wind-blown strand of her hair back out of her face. He set it down politely, and slowly pulled his hand back even as she silently wished he would just leave it there forever. Sesshomaru looked down at her and she wondered if he was going to say what was on his mind, but he didn’t. Instead, his hand settled back down at his side and he looked away from her with a sigh. He was pulling away from her, he was going to leave it at that and leave  _ her _ once again puzzling over what could have happened.  _ Oh, no you don’t. _

“Yes, my Lord?” She prompted and, with every scrap of bravery she possessed, she reached out to gently _ — _ carefully _ — _ hook her pointer finger around his. His head turned slowly towards her. So slowly that she could’ve sworn that his neck creaked, and he stared down at her so hard that she couldn’t stop the blush that started at her toes and ended at the roots of her hair. To her ever-living shock, not only did he not shake her off, but he lifted their hands up between them and looked down at where their fingers were hooked together. His long, pale finger with it’s deadly claw, the tougher skin of her finger that looked almost tiny in comparison to his.

The differences were stark, a little jarring, and yet, Rin thought as she stared at their hands and she felt his finger tighten against hers, they looked good together. Quite good, actually. Cheeks still warm, Rin chanced a glance up at him, feeling practically giddy. He was, similarly, looking down at their hands, his head was cocked to the side ever-so-slightly, his eyes half-closed as he twisted their hands around a bit to maneuver her a bit closer to him. Stepping closer, she did so and swallowed hard. He lifted their hands higher, and for a wild moment she was convinced he was going to kiss her hand, but he just looked past their hands and down at her tomato-red face. Her heart pounded in her head and she wondered if he was leaning closer or if she was just focusing on him so hard that her mind was playing tricks on her.  _ This _ , she thought to herself over the pounding of her blood in her ears,  _ this is not the behavior of someone who doesn’t care. Right…? _

“You owe me nothing,” he murmured to her and she was so busy staring at his lips that she almost didn’t realize he had spoken, much less what he was saying. In a very attractive move, she blinked up at him with wide, owlish eyes as if he had just started speaking in a foreign language.  _ What? _ She shook her head a little to clear it and she saw his very small smile as he lowered their hands. “I am not a debtor putting weight on your life.”

Her mouth opened in an  _ Oh _ of understanding as she realized he was talking about her off-handed comment from earlier. She laughed nervously and nodded, licking her suddenly dry lips as she brushed a shaky hand over her eyes. “Of course, my Lord.” She smiled and nodded at him, very painfully aware that he hadn’t let go of her finger. “I just worry about inconveniencing you, is all. Like Master Jaken says, you are very busy and I _ — _ ”

“Nevermind what Jaken says,” he interrupted, voice going back to it’s usual tone and volume, that familiar commanding baritone. He slipped his hand away from hers and turned to look back towards the forest with a low sigh. “The priestess is looking for you.” He told her, and Rin looked back towards the village. She saw the familiar white-red silhouette of her housemate talking to a couple. Rin couldn’t deny that she wished she could stay out here forever, feeling very much that there was so much more that he could say, so much more that she could tell him.

“Will you come back soon?” She asked, the wistfulness in her voice painfully obvious but she was too desperate to see him again to care. He looked back towards her and he inclined his head once eliciting a wide grin from her. “Okay, uh, see you when I see you.” Rin waved shyly and then turned to walk home, head buzzing blissfully, knowing that she was going to replay this moment in her mind over and over again as she laid in bed tonight.

She hoped he would come back within the week. She wished she would see him tomorrow. She knew in her heart that he stayed nearby all night.

* * *

**Half-way through! Hopefully you've enjoyed it so far!**


	6. When One Becomes Two

_ \--- _

_ “It’s scary when it’s real. When it’s not just thinking about a person, but having a real live person in front of you, with expectations. And wants.” _

_ —Jenny Han, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before _

_ \--- _

Rin laid her hands on her lap and stared off into the distance, mind a million miles away. She was sitting up on the very same overlook that her lord so often occupied, the slightly more open air sending chilly autumn winds to slide against her. She was alone, now, though she hadn’t always been. She had been sitting with a few of the other girls who were the same age as her, enjoying the conversation. One by one, as the day had gone on, they had finished their chores and headed off, leaving Rin to sigh and daydream on her own. There was something to be said for doing work alone, though. Normally, Rin was happier working with her friends and chatting; who wouldn’t be? It was so much easier to pass the time when you had good company and conversation than when you were left to your own devices. 

However, Rin had noticed recently, that if she was working alone, there was a much, much higher chance of a certain someone appearing to silently keep her company while she worked. It was often a surprise, usually she didn’t even notice when he showed up until she turned and saw him or someone walked by and gave her an odd look. She suspected that he was doing it because last time she had been alone and unsupervised a bird demon had tried to take her head off, but she really didn’t know. While she could read him fairly well, the inner workings of his mind were foreign to her. It didn’t help that he had developed all of these fun new quirks in their time apart.

Rin enjoyed living in Inuyasha’s village, truly she did. Or, at the very least, she wasn’t as devastated living there as she had been at first. She had found a nice place for herself with the people that Lord Sesshomaru’s brother kept around him, and Rin saw nothing but goodness in them as well. They had all done so well to welcome her in, doing their best to include her in the different activities, to make her feel like she had a place among them, and for the first time in a long time _ — _ possibly ever _ — _ Rin could say she was happy living with humans.

However, she sighed to herself as that one forever wistful part of her nudged the familiar image of a tall, pristine daiyoukai into her mind, it was not the same. Rin nibbled on the inside of her lips as she carefully cut away the rotten parts of the plants she had picked earlier, once again losing herself in thoughts of her Lord. 

She couldn’t deny herself anymore, the way that she felt was something so awful and overpowering that there couldn’t be any other name for it than what it was. It was a relief and a curse all in the same breath, because while it was akin to pulling out a sliver that had been causing a person pain, now she had to grapple with the fact that it was very likely that she would never be able to do anything about it.

_ Why not try and see? _ That same wistful, hopeful part of her mind prodded her. Rin sighed and frowned. Why couldn’t she? She wondered that more and more, truthfully. The very thin fabric that separated propriety from risk felt like it was getting pulled further and further back with every visit she had from her Lord.  _ She _ very much felt that he was being more familiar with her. More often than not, she found that he would seek her out and stay with her with no particular reason behind it. He never offered an explanation and she never asked, just happy to have him around.

Satisfied with the work she had done, Rin leaned back on her heels and wiped away the sweat on her brow with her forearm. She looked up and stared off at the horizon, noticing with a start the changing colors of the sky that foretold the quickly approaching sunset.  _ Why did no one get me? _ She thought to herself as she reached around her to collect all of the different things she had brought with her, hoping she still had enough time to get back to the village before it was totally dark.

She stuck the hilt of the small knife she had been using to cut stems in her mouth as she fumbled around, turning to look for where she had placed her shoes. Cranked around, she saw that she wasn’t alone and stopped. Standing a distance away, but close enough to know that he was with her, was Lord Sesshomaru with his face tilted to look at the barely visible stars that had begun to twinkle overhead in the dimming light. He was not turned completely away from her and she could see the profile of his face, the familiar tilt of his chin, and for a moment all she could do was sigh.

_ How long has he been there? _ She wondered to herself, taking the paring knife out of her mouth and slipping it in her basket, abandoning her pile of materials to go visit with her Lord. Bare feet making almost no sound on the grass, she pranced over and his face turned towards her as she got closer. Rin gave a small wave to him, coming over to stand with him, looking up at the sky to see if there was something there. There wasn’t, but there never had been in all the years he had been stargazing. At least there had never been anything that she could see. Feeling only mildly disappointed, she looked from the stars back to him and found that he was looking at her with  _ quite _ the expression.

He did that more and more often, too. She wasn’t sure if it had started because he thought she didn’t see it or if he didn’t even realize that he was doing it, but when they were together she would catch him looking at her with such a soft look on his face that she wasn’t sure if she was imagining it or not. It wasn’t a smile, but it was the closest she had ever seen on him. Honestly, she almost wondered if he even knew he was doing it. Regardless, it left her feeling strangely flushed and giddy and she looked away, tucking some hair behind her ear nervously.

“Hello, Lord Sesshomaru,” she said finally after she realized that they had just been standing there staring at each other in silence. He inclined his head at her and she half expected him to go back to looking at the sky but he didn’t, he kept his attention on her. Surprised, but not unhappy about it, Rin smiled and took one very small step closer to him. 

This had been her game the last few visits, she would see how close she could get to him before she chickened out or he moved away. It was a terrible, horrible, embarrassing secret of a game and if anyone ever noticed she would deny it with every fiber of her being, but she did it. It had begun as a way to ease that desperate  _ want _ deep within her that drove her to want to reach out for him, to touch him casually. She found that the closer she got, the less urgent that feeling was, so she did her best, and he had yet to catch her.

Or… at least, he had yet to move away.

“Rin,” his voice rang clear, soft in the growing darkness and she gave a nervous flinch, worried that he had noticed. She watched as he blinked at her jumpy reaction. He gave her a curious look and she relaxed, feeling silly.

“Y-yes, my Lord,” she cleared her throat and took a tiny, minuscule really, step forward to make up for lost ground. “I’m just a little chilly, is all.” She was lying, but not in an unbelievable way. It  _ was _ getting cooler, especially since the sun had officially begun its descent and was just a half-circle submerged under the ground. However, she was never cold in his presence. She still hadn’t quite figured out if that was because he threw heat or if she was just in a constant state of flushed when he was nearby but either way she was anything but cold. 

He nodded slowly, and Rin noticed that he seemed a bit absent almost like he was thinking about something else. After a beat of silence, and Rin wondering if she should say something to break the tension, he turned completely to face her. In a hilarious moment of karmic irony, Rin almost took a step back when she realized that him doing that had made her truly realize how close she had gotten. His chest was barely the length of her forearm away and she thought that if she was to reach out she could place her palm flush against him with absolutely no effort on her part.  _ Do it, _ her horrid brain urged and Rin stared hard at the dark armor in front of her, weighing her options, only to be interrupted when he spoke again; “If you are cold, perhaps it would be best for you to return to the village.”

“No!” She blurted quickly, a desperate snap of syllables as her eyes went from molesting his chest up to his face. His expression remained smooth but she did notice the slight raising of delicate eyebrows in response to her outburst. His golden eyes drifted over her and she felt as if he could see right through her, right into her mind and know what she was thinking.  _ No, stop, _ she thought absurdly, blushing as she covered her face with her hands to break the spell he had upon her. With a deep breath, she quickly composed herself and lowered her hands, sliding them over to her arms as she hugged herself tightly, peering up at him through her bangs shyly. “Sorry for yelling,” she mumbled, before she raised her head and continued; “I would like to stay with Lord Sesshomaru for a little longer.”

He looked back at her and gave no response, nothing to show any type of emotion or thought, just standing there looking at her as impassive and unreadable as the moon that shared its likeness upon his proud forehead. Rin squeezed herself tighter and took a page from his book to look up at the sky and the beautiful swirling, those familiar but unknowable colors that the universe created. She looked at them and let the silence sit as it was for a moment as she thought.

“You know, the stars remind me of you,” She told him, voice hushed as if the heavens would hear her talking about them. She kept her face towards the sky and a small smile pulled at the corner of her lips. “Whenever I miss you or if I feel lonely I look at the sky and I think about you,” she did look at him now, turning to face him and meeting his suddenly very attentive stare. “I wonder if you’re looking at the same sky as me and the thought of the two of us watching the stars together even though we’re so far apart brings me peace.” Rin’s smile grew and she closed her eyes for a moment. “It makes me happy.”

Eyes closed, she felt herself overwhelmed with a sudden and inexplicable wave of sadness almost as if her body was deliberately contradicting the words she had just spoken. Her brows furrowed together and she gripped her arms tightly against that tell-tale itch at the back of her throat that wanted to betray her.  _ What is this? _ She demanded of herself, nails pressing into her skin through her sleeves, afraid to open her eyes and let the tears that had suddenly appeared fall. Her empty, desperate heart answered with a hard sad thump that echoed but revealed nothing.

“Rin…”

She opened her eyes and two fat tears did indeed slip out of each eye, sliding down her cheek and getting caught in the divot made by the smile she still wore frozen on her face. Sesshomaru watched it complete its path, and when the tear dripped off her chin Rin saw his brow furrow, a real actual frown this time. She swallowed hard and waved her hand, laughing even as more tears dripped.

“Oh, how embarrassing,” she murmured, brushing her sleeve across her face. “I’m not sure what all this is,” she gestured vaguely at her face, “but I’m so sorry. I must just be tired, is all…” she made a move to turn from him, not wanting him to see her like this and being truly disturbed at how suddenly this all had come over her. A brush along her arm had her hesitating and turning to look behind her, confused, wondering if she had gotten caught on something, only to see his hand outstretched, fingers gently resting against her arm. She stared down at the long, elegant fingers in confusion, so taken aback that the tears slowed. “M-my lord?”

He slowly dropped his hand back down to his side but took a step closer to her. Blushing, she craned her head up to look at him as he examined her wet, ruddy face. He just sort of looked at her and Rin thought she would pass out from the suspense of waiting for him to say something as the seconds ticked by. She watched as his lips parted a fraction and then closed again and he let out a frustrated breath of air through his nose and she had a sudden realization.

_ He… he’s at a loss for words _ , Rin blinked up at him and sniffled as she wiped her cheeks and looked up at him more curiously. He looked down at her and she gave a smile, hoping this one was less ghoulish than what she had been wearing earlier, and nodded encouragingly. Whatever he saw in her, it was enough to get him to move. He reached out and, copying what she had done in a blind fit of bravery weeks ago, looped his pointer finger around hers. He lifted her hand up between the two of them, and Rin couldn’t decide whether to savor the experience or watch him, her head buzzing. After a moment, he opened his mouth and he spoke to her, softly, but not whispering.

“This Sesshomaru would see that you are not lonely anymore,” He moved another inch closer and Rin was sure it was because he was worried he was going to need to catch her. She blinked up at him like a baby owl that had just fallen out of a tree, her heart racing at his words even as she wondered if she was dreaming. “There is… time. However, when you feel you are ready I would make you my Lady.” 

Rin blinked a few times, the buzzing in her head getting so strong that she couldn’t even hear herself think anymore. Her face felt  _ beyond _ warm and she blinked faster as her legs buckled under her. Bless his reflexes, because he quickly snapped his hands out and grabbed onto her biceps to keep her standing as she gulped hard and shook her head. Blearily, she grabbed onto his forearms and stared into his, now very concerned, face.

In her defense, she had almost passed out on the spot not just from shock but at how unbelievably, amazingly,  _ wonderfully _ soft he was speaking and the feeling that she knew had to be behind those words for him to say them. He spoke very rarely and every word he said had nothing but meaning and truth behind them. Sesshomaru did not say what he didn’t mean. 

And he had just well and truly proposed to her.

It was enough to render her to  _ ash _ , so she felt fairly pleased that she hadn’t actually fainted.

With a strangled sound that was half laugh, half sob she released every tether she had placed around her heart and lunged forward, wrapping her arms around his waist. Then she recoiled away with a wince as her forehead bounced off one of the spikes on the front of his armor. She murmured a small  _ ow _ … and placed her fingers against where she was sure a small bruise would be in the morning. Then she started to laugh, truly and with unbridled joy, happier now with a bruised forehead and a full heart than she had been in her entire mortal life.

Her laughter dissolved into giggles as his fingers came up to join hers and his thumb gently brushed against the spot where she had headbutted him. If she didn’t know any better, she would say there was almost an apologetic air about the way he stroked her future-bruise and truly it made her love him all the more. It wasn’t  _ exactly _ as she had envisioned her proposal going, but she couldn’t deny that she was happy nonetheless.

“Thank you, Lord Sesshomaru,” Rin whispered, grinning up at him with another disbelieving laugh. “I am honored, and you have made me so,  _ so _ happy.” She went to hug him again, and this time she was careful of his dangerous bits as her arms wrapped around him and she pressed her cheek against his chest. Rin frantically began trying to memorize everything about the way this night was, the way he had sounded, and the way she felt, knowing she would want to remember this until the day she died.

She held him tight, loath to release him, and he didn’t push her off. Instead, they stood there joined at the heart until he finally told her that she needed to return home. Because it truly was getting cold out and she had been out long enough that she knew her friends would be worried. He walked her back to the outskirts of the village and with only the stars as their shining witness to their conversation, these two promised souls parted.

* * *

**This was hard to write, I'm not even going to lie 😅 I know the CD Drama has him proposing, and I kept going back and listening to it to remind myself that yes this beautiful, dumb man does have the potential to say romantic things. I hope that you enjoyed it and I honestly cannot wait to start getting into the next few chapters!**

**Thank you for reading!**


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